Monday, September 30, 2013
Axillary Lymph Node Removal
Getting more lymph nodes removed at City of Hope today...wearing my lucky glasses with Melanie and my mom by my side. Here we go!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Second Opinion
With surgery scheduled for 11 days from now, I am having some fears. I love my surgeon at City of Hope, Dr. Kruper, who did my segmentectomy beautifully...but my plastic surgeon seems a bit inexperienced with this particular procedure. She has only done it a handful of times and I never really connected with her.
In our meeting earlier this month she gave me a bunch of choices to make about which kind of implant: round, tear-drop shape, silicone, saline...and i felt overwhelmed. I asked her to guide me based on how I look now and explained that I am hoping to look as close to my natural shape/size/feel as possible. But she didn't provide much guidance. So i did a TON of research online and asked a bunch of people with implants to give me advice. I decided that I prefer tear-drop silicone.
However this last meeting with the plastic surgeon was very confusing. I felt like the information was inconsistent, like her insisting that I have the round implants. I spoke with my surgeon about it and told her that I have an appointment to get a second opinion from a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. She told me to consider the fact that they won't accept MediCal and I would have to pay cash. She also told me to ask questions like, what implants she would recommend for me. Then she said, "Do you mind if I ask who you plan to see for a second opinion." I told her Dr.Cassileth and she was like, "Ohhh I went to med school with her! She's great!!!" So, I am excited to go and gather more information to help make my decisions.
In our meeting earlier this month she gave me a bunch of choices to make about which kind of implant: round, tear-drop shape, silicone, saline...and i felt overwhelmed. I asked her to guide me based on how I look now and explained that I am hoping to look as close to my natural shape/size/feel as possible. But she didn't provide much guidance. So i did a TON of research online and asked a bunch of people with implants to give me advice. I decided that I prefer tear-drop silicone.
However this last meeting with the plastic surgeon was very confusing. I felt like the information was inconsistent, like her insisting that I have the round implants. I spoke with my surgeon about it and told her that I have an appointment to get a second opinion from a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon. She told me to consider the fact that they won't accept MediCal and I would have to pay cash. She also told me to ask questions like, what implants she would recommend for me. Then she said, "Do you mind if I ask who you plan to see for a second opinion." I told her Dr.Cassileth and she was like, "Ohhh I went to med school with her! She's great!!!" So, I am excited to go and gather more information to help make my decisions.
Neiman Marcus Event
Today I was a part of an event at the Neiman Marcus, Topanga location, raising money for breast cancer. I did an informal fashion show and got to wear Prada, Valentino, Alexander McQueen and all kinds of beautiful things. After the breast cancer speaker, they re-introduced me not as the model, but as a breast cancer patient. I took my wig off and everyone was shocked...lol. I heard a few people even cried. But I found out afterwards that everyone who attended donated to the cause! Mission accomplished! And I got to take home two bags of cosmetics and other gifts :)
Thursday, September 12, 2013
Double-mastectomy
With only 16 days until my surgery, I may be making some changes to the plan. The other day I met a girl named Jen...she just had the same procedure at City of Hope that I have scheduled. She is a smart and very sweet girl. She showed me her breasts one month after surgery and it was really hard for me. The scars go from the bottom of her nipples out to the sides. I have asked my surgeon why they can't enter through the inframammary crease (under the breast) where the scars will be hidden and she said that it would make it difficult for them to remove all the tissue from the top of the breast. The inframammary crease is where they took my lump out from my right breast (during my lumpectomy in June) and it looks really good. You can hardly tell I was operated on there.
So, after spending a few hours on the internet, I found several doctors that perform the procedure through the inframammary crease, which much more aesthetically pleasing before-and-after photos. So, I wrote an email to my surgeon, with website links, asking her to consider performing my surgery that way, or I would be considering getting it done with a doctor that would. We shall see...
I firmly believe that this will be offered more widely soon, but it'll all so new that mastectomies can be performed with the skin-sparring and direct-to-implant that a lot of doctors haven't caught up. Hopefully this will push my hospital to offer the procedure this way for other women.
Below is an example I found online of the scars that are left with the direct-to-implant mastectomy when it is NOT perfomed through the inframammary crease. I am willing to put in the time and money to have it done without such scars, if my surgeon is not willing to perform the procedure through the inframammary crease.
So, after spending a few hours on the internet, I found several doctors that perform the procedure through the inframammary crease, which much more aesthetically pleasing before-and-after photos. So, I wrote an email to my surgeon, with website links, asking her to consider performing my surgery that way, or I would be considering getting it done with a doctor that would. We shall see...
I firmly believe that this will be offered more widely soon, but it'll all so new that mastectomies can be performed with the skin-sparring and direct-to-implant that a lot of doctors haven't caught up. Hopefully this will push my hospital to offer the procedure this way for other women.
Below is an example I found online of the scars that are left with the direct-to-implant mastectomy when it is NOT perfomed through the inframammary crease. I am willing to put in the time and money to have it done without such scars, if my surgeon is not willing to perform the procedure through the inframammary crease.
Tuesday, September 10, 2013
Radiation?
So, after being told by my oncologist that radiation was mandatory for my treatment plan, despite my best efforts to argue the side effects outweighing the benefits, I met with my radiation oncologist today at City of Hope. I got a full consultation from the oncology nurses and we went over all the details of my case, treatment thus far, etc. Then the doctor came in and sat down.
He said, "So...you may not need radiation."
Whaaaaa???? Really!?! I have been arguing for weeks about how the side effects, which include lung damage (shortness of breath) and surgical complications with the mastectomy site, would outweigh the small percentage of risk it lowers for recurrence.
Apparently we won't know until after my surgery, because the decision will be based on the pathology results, which take about five days to come in. Once they get them (first week of October), the tumor board will sit down and conemplate the findings. Basically, if there are still any cancer cells found, they will need to radiate me and/or if they see scars from the tumors extending passed four lymph nodes. As of now, they only know that the cancer covered the first two lymph nodes under my arm.
So, we'll see. Would be awesome if this surgery was the last part of my cancer treatment!
He said, "So...you may not need radiation."
Whaaaaa???? Really!?! I have been arguing for weeks about how the side effects, which include lung damage (shortness of breath) and surgical complications with the mastectomy site, would outweigh the small percentage of risk it lowers for recurrence.
Apparently we won't know until after my surgery, because the decision will be based on the pathology results, which take about five days to come in. Once they get them (first week of October), the tumor board will sit down and conemplate the findings. Basically, if there are still any cancer cells found, they will need to radiate me and/or if they see scars from the tumors extending passed four lymph nodes. As of now, they only know that the cancer covered the first two lymph nodes under my arm.
So, we'll see. Would be awesome if this surgery was the last part of my cancer treatment!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Stubble
I know I should be happy to see a five-o-clock shadow on my head...but I am also starting to find hairs in other places....places that I have really enjoyed my hair loss.
I haven't had to shave my legs, arm pits, or my "bikini" area for months. And I have enjoyed that immensely!!! It's honestly almost worth wearing wigs to always have silky, smooth skin everywhere.
Although, I do miss my eyebrows...even though I am getting pretty good at drawing them on. And eyelashes are nice, too...but those can easily be glued on for getting dressed-up.
I haven't had to shave my legs, arm pits, or my "bikini" area for months. And I have enjoyed that immensely!!! It's honestly almost worth wearing wigs to always have silky, smooth skin everywhere.
Although, I do miss my eyebrows...even though I am getting pretty good at drawing them on. And eyelashes are nice, too...but those can easily be glued on for getting dressed-up.
Saturday, September 7, 2013
Friday, September 6, 2013
Alien
Yesterday I got paid to be an alien...lol. Had a photographer book me to shoot while he was in town from Canada and we got super creative. It was nice to make some cash and play in front of a camera :)
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Mantra
My friend Lauren, who is a massage therapist and comes to help my body process the chemo almost every week, asked me to repeat the words, "Let me be happy, Let me be strong, Let me be free" during one of our sessions a few months ago. And that has become my mantra...I repeat it in my mind when things get too difficult and it always helps me re-focus my energy. I think every one should try having a mantra. Now I don't even have to try to remember the words, and their meanings have become very valuable to me. I made this painting the other day. And when I am completely done with my treatment, I plan on having my mantra in a tattoo along my ribs, similar to the photo below. I can't wait!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Venice
Today Rick got a new lens for his camera and asked me to go to Venice Beach with him to play in front of his camera...so he could test the lens out. I'm really glad he got me out of the house because I have been super sore in my hips and knees and it's been keeping me in bed more than I should be.
One of the really nice things about having Rick in my life is that he met me when I had already lost my hair and been going through this whole ordeal and he cares about me how I am. He's not afraid or grossed-out or anything by me. Most of the time we hang out, I don't bother putting a wig on...in fact, he encourages me frequently not to wear one. So I feel very safe being myself around him :)
Plus, he makes me look like a barbie doll!
One of the really nice things about having Rick in my life is that he met me when I had already lost my hair and been going through this whole ordeal and he cares about me how I am. He's not afraid or grossed-out or anything by me. Most of the time we hang out, I don't bother putting a wig on...in fact, he encourages me frequently not to wear one. So I feel very safe being myself around him :)
Plus, he makes me look like a barbie doll!
Monday, September 2, 2013
Bondage Ball
Rick invited me to this party called the Bondage Ball, which caters to the fetish community. I love getting all dressed up so I got into it, donning a latex outfit I had from a shoot and NO WIG. To my shock, several times throughout the evening I had people coming up to me complimenting my boldness in shaving my head. I don't think they realized that it really wasn't my choice, in that community it's not only acceptable, but beautiful to have no hair :) Made me feel so good!
Sunday, September 1, 2013
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